I think I have Postpartum Depression

Well, I thought I would start this blog so I can record my experiences with having Postpartum Depression. I have 2 beautiful children, a loving supportive husband, and a life full of blessings! My daughter is 10 months old and since having her, I've noticed my attitude and feelings have been different. A month before we had her, we moved from northern California to Southern Utah so my husband could transfer schools. We moved here a month before she was born. I am a very happy go lucky, relaxed, positive, patient person. But since I've had Maci, I've been miserable. I've been very impatient with our 2 year old Isaiah, which I've never been before. I'm totally not social and would just rather sit in the house. I'm rude and yell a lot, I have no motivation for anything. My mind and heart is filled with negative thoughts and feelings. I love my kids to death, but don't feel it half of the time and just kinda go through the motions of being a mom and truly not enjoying my children. I haven't been diagnosed with PPD yet, but I'm just assuming I have it. I'll be calling my OB today to talk to him about it. I always thought the reason why I've been the way I've been was because we live so far from our families. And we live in a place where the culture is so different than our own in California. I have lots of friends here that I love to death, but we don't really have the same hobbies and perspective on things because we grew up so differently. So yes, I thought it was our living circumstances. And I always thought if we were to move back to Cali, all would be well. But I was wrong. 2 months ago my mom drove the kids and I back to Cali and flew us home. I thought for sure I would feel much more happiness and just have fun. I didn't though. And so I thought I would see one more time how I felt being back there. We went there for 4th of July weekend, and my feelings were still the same. Anger, frustration, no patience, tired, non social, and just feeling blah!! So seeing that, I realized that something is really wrong with me. And I have just been so tired because I'm fighting with myself everyday to be happy and positive. I am a very religious person and have been praying and reading my scriptures for strength and guidance. I don't feel right about taking anti-depressents and I will do whatever it takes not to take them. So my mom, has become involved in selling this stuff called Mannatech. It has literally saved my cousin Sandy's life cause she was dying of Liver Sclorosis and by taking it, it has made her cell count more normal. So my mom decided to try it for herself because she has some health problems. And it has helped her out a lot and even gotten rid of a cyst that she has had forever. So anyway, I'm not trying to promote the product or anything, but just telling you how I found out about it. So my mom felt that I should try the products out and she gave me a months worth. I would buy it in a second, it's just soooo expensive and we're on a very limited budget. So as of yesterday, July 7th, I have started taking the Mannatech to see if it helps me and how it makes me feel. So this journal is about conquering PPD. I know I can do it, but its just a matter of when and how long it'll take.